News Conference: Brian Campbell and Kris Versteeg

At an evening news conference the enigmatic Buffon held a microphone for a few minutes to answer a few questions about the Victory’s latest signing Brian Campbell…

Buffon what prompted you to make this, the first trade of your tenure as GM?

“I wasn’t happy with the D you know. We’ve got a coach famed for tight defence and a lot of swag invested in that end of the roster that just wasn’t performing. This move allows us to rebuild from the back.”

What do you make of claims that Brian is an overpaid burden to your team?

“Look, $7.1m is a lot, I get that. But we’ve traded for a player five years Jaroslav’s junior and with twice the offensive output. We think that is worth the extra $3.2m hit a year. If it doesn’t work out then I will blame the French guy.”

Have you spoken with Brian yet?

“Yes, Brian and I sat down over some cherryade and party rings and talked through what we expect from each other. I told him I expect him to quarterback our PP and get that offensive defence going. He said to me next time don’t be so tight with the biscuits, a few jaffa cakes wouldn’t go a miss, to which I told him he was a bit of a jammy dodger.”

Will you continue to be active up until the trade deadline then?

“I didn’t know there was a trade deadline and I’m going to keep it that way.”

Does that mean you are open to trade offers?

“Brian Burke has got nothing on me son. You want a rebuild I will give you one. You’ve heard of Rome son? Built in a day that was. Well I’m going to do the same with Chatham. Not build it with marble mind, just good hard hitting offensive players. Maybe hard enough to crack marble. Yeah that’s right I’m going to smash Rome. Julius Caesar got nothing on me son.”

Buffon what are you talking about?

“Shut it marble face. I’m built like a brick house you know. I’m fed up of you journos. Now, I’m off for my bubble bath.”

Reporters caught up with Buffon in the bath later that evening to ask him about this evenings mega deal.

Buffon how did you make the deal from your bathroom?

Well son I’ve got a dog and bone in here haven’t I *pulls out rubber ducky from under the foamy waters*

Some say your just making trades for the hell of it, to put the fear into your players, what do you have to say about that?

“Yeah it’s true. Needed a kick up the backside. But the deals were well thought out. In a matter of hours I’ve managed to acquire an all-star D-man and a versatile top 6 forward as well as securing our future with 2 decent picks. What did I give up, two aging nobodies and a young talent whose wages were about to sky rocket. All that and it’s not costing me a dime more. Del Boy would be happy with that Rodney. Now if your excuse me I’ve still got to apply my coconut and papaya extract face mask”


For those who don’t know, the Victory traded young winger Bobby Ryan and veteran Pavel Demitra for versatile forward Kris Versteeg, a first round pick at this years draft and a second round pick at next years draft. Before GM Buffon had acquired defender Brian Campbell in a straight swap for Jaroslav Spacek in a salary dump by the Bearded Badgers.