Giraffes Press Centre

With the close season rapidly approaching and another playoffless season at Giraffe HQ, there is one question on everyones lips - wheres the blockbuster? After season one finished, Nathan Horton left the Giraffes in what was a massive blockbuster at the time. Come the end of season two, the Bobby Ryan off season trade was the talk of the town. Now, with season three almost finished, the assembled masses are wondering what Leafy has in mind. In a recent interview, Leafy was quoted as saying that there is a big trade on the horizon, but it will only come off at a high price. And yes, the fella be Russian. Names being linked, whether correctly or incorrectly, are big shot players like Evgeny Malkin, Alex Ovechkin, Ilya Kovalchuk, farm revelation Alex Burmistrov and Alex Kovalev. Or has Leafy got another plan up his sleeve....

There is a pretty big hint down there leafy!

After the disappointment of losing out on Ilya Kovalchuk, the Giraffes have bounced back by placing both Taylor Hall and Alexander R. Picard on the top team. Details are sketchy at the moment but it is rumoured that Hall will play alongside another young superstar in Matt Duchene. In other news, the draft concluded quite peacefully this year, with the Giraffes acquiring young goaltender Joseph D'Arimathea alongside the usual Russian intake. Will 'Jewish Joe' make the Old Women team? Who knows.....

The Giraffes have finally lost patience with Paul Maurice and have fired him. Says Leafy: Paul hasn't performed to the standard expected of him. He was on the biggest contract in the 606HL, and he had the best points scorer in the business to work with, yet over three years we have one first round exit in the playoffs. We did offer Paul a new contract, which he did sign, but then was found drinking a spritzer to celebrate. From then my mind was made up. I was in discussions with my friend Teemu Selanne, who being Finnish is almost Russian, and he agreed to join the team as head coach. After a quick chat with the 606HL commission, Teemu signed on the dotted line and Maurice was promptly launched with great effectiveness out of the door. Selanne has signed a 3 year deal, in which time we hope to progress, and challenge the Knights for conference dominance. In other news, we have ceased all trade discussions and no trade will be considered by the Giraffes. We have multiple reasons for the lockdown including belief that the squad is strong enough, team consistency and an overriding distrust of the 606HL trade commission. Lets conclude this conference with the news that Jeff Fairweather, Matt Puempel and Joseph D'Arimathea have all been given entry level contracts, and the rumours of Taylor Hall making his debut for the big boys are founded in truth. I can confirm that Hall will play on a line with Jeff Carter and Alex Semin at some point in the season. This is the most hotly anticipated debut since Dmitry Kulikov made his elevctric entrance into the league two years ago, and we're going to give Taylor the best chance to make it big. Right, pubs open - whos with me?

Teemu Selanne has implemented his first order of business as first team coach - getting the team on twitter. While Leafy himself is busy trying to befriend Winona Ryder and Nina Dobrev, and vast amounts of even richer Russian businessmen, Selanne has set up @MKGiraffes for all the fans to follow. See the latest news and views from all the team.

After more than a month of negotiations, the Giraffes have finally pulled out all the stops to land superstar Ilya Kovalchuk. Kovy joins in exchange for two first rounders and Enver Lisin, while Rotislav Olesz also is MK bound. One the same day, Braydon Coburn joined from the Knights (after the pain of missing Weber, Coburn is a light relief) in exchange for a second and Jeremy Williams. We interviewd Kovalchuk after his last game - the 6-3 victory away to the Marauders:

I glad to be MK. I was treated like comedy circus cowboy at Ducks, not what I am. Now I surrounded by good Russian fellows, and Leafy drink more vodka than anyone! Leafy mental, but Russian mental. I now given chance to shine, and repaid that tonight with two goal, and one star. Mind you, with no Doughty getting in way, and no Filpulla coming at us, it was easier than could be. Now have four game home stand, see the Concrete Cows, win games for home fans. Let us go, Giraffeses!