new realignment proposals

I have been given exclusive insight into the latest realignment proposals which have been put forward by the NHLBA including some of the strict stipulations put forwards by the teams…


Patrick Roy Division
Justification: When your goalie is your best fighter

Colorado (Roy)
Ottawa (Emery)
Pittsburgh (Johnson)
Detroit (Vernon/Osgood)
Montreal (Price)

Note: The Islanders shall never be permitted to realign into this division

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Babs Windsor Division
Justification: Fans need a good slapping from Peggy Mitchell

Toronto
Vancouver
Chicago
New York Rang
Philadelphia

Note: All teams’ cheerleaders must look like a young Barbra Windsor

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Dick Wittington Division
Justification: Those looking for a new start in life in the glitz and glam of a hockey town

Phoenix
Columbus
New York Isles
Florida
Carolina

Note: Dick needs a puss. Teams in this division get priority at the annual Sean Waivery convention

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Miser division
Justification: Defences that give away less than Betty Green

Nashville
Buffalo
New Jersey
St Louis
Boston

Note: Teams not permitted to trade in any goaltender that has played more than a season in Toronto

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Awwww Division
Justification: Nobody has a bad word to say about these teams, they are so cute and squishy

Dallas
Edmonton
Calgary
Winnipeg
Minnesota

Note: Any attempt to toughen up rosters must be approved by the Teddy Bear Factory

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White Goodman Division
Justification: The Globo-gym to your Average Joe’s

LA
San Jose
Washington
Anaheim
Tampa (didn’t fit anywhere else)

Note: Forfeit any games whereby opposing team has a pirate called Steve

After last night's game, I think Boston and St Louis could find themselves booted out of the Miser Division.

Calamity Jane wrote:After last night's game, I think Boston and St Louis could find themselves booted out of the Miser Division.

Indeed - giving up 4 goals in 19 shots .

St Louis should have their own 'Couldn't hit a cows arse, with a banjo' division - 2 goals in 33 shots

Are we talking the version of Babs Windsor from 'Carry On Camping'?

rocknrollnobody wrote:Are we talking the version of Babs Windsor from 'Carry On Camping'?

Most definitely what I had in mind!

Carry on Doctor was better....just a couple of carefully placed hearts

DRIZ wrote:
Carry on Doctor was better....just a couple of carefully placed hearts

Perhaps each cheerleader must dress as a different Babs each game

Hattie Jacques - now theres totty

In a desperate attempt to steer this thread away from Babs' baps and Driz's Hattie Jaques fantasies, I'd just like to say that the Wild totally deserve to be in the cute and fluffy division. Every time I see them, I think awww they're all wearing Christmas sweaters knitted by their grannies.

Minnesota citzens are reknowned for their friendliness. It must be because they are so close to Canada!

Seems like the Babs division should be the "haters gonna hate" division.