The Messiah arrives as Lemaire escapes to exile

Yesterday GM Buff pulled the trigger on a deal that saw young super-star Jonathan Toews and veteran winger Owen Nolan welcomed to the Mary Rose Bowl. Jason Spezza, Doug Weight and Paul Gaustard were the sacrificial lambs. The Victory also received a 3rd round pick in the deal.

“Something had to be done” started Buff, “The team just wasn’t clicking and so a fresh approach is needed

Owen gives us scoring right now [he slots in to the top of the Victory scoring charts in goals and points] whilst Toews [21] gives us something to build with. We are sad to see Spezza leave as he was perhaps our most consistent performer, whilst a man of Paul’s [Gaustard] defensive talents will be difficult to replace. Doug was a waste of space.”

On the same day maverick Buff announced that Head Coach Jaques Lemaire had been sent to the affiliate team and Andy Murray would be taking his place with immediate effect.

“Jackie [Buff refuses to call him by his French name unless doing a Del Boy impression] just spent all day drawing concentric circles which the players mistook for ‘tactics’ only to discover they were in fact snails and so it was clear to me he was home sick. Therefore I have sent him to Portsmouth where he can look out over the Channel to his native homeland. This is his punishment.

Andy has a fantastic serve which I am sure he can teach to Soup [Brain Campbell] to use on the power play, whilst his big ground strokes might be of benefit to Robbo [Scuderi].”